You are better than that!
There are experiences we go through that leave us with so much pain, but we must move beyond the pain. Few years ago, I went through so much that at a point, I began to ask myself, what else can ruffle me beyond this? I felt I had had enough challenges in such a short time; I had gone from praying fervently, to getting anxious, to getting concerned, to asking questions, to crying until there were no more tears to shed, to getting angry with God (thank God for my hubby who would catch me in my thoughts), to getting indifferent – feeling NOTHING,… and back to building ‘stubborn’ faith.
Having gone through so much, I can understand how someone can go from being nice and sweet to becoming bitter, without even realising it. If you don’t check it, you would start spilling pain and bitterness to everyone around you. Isn’t it true that hurting people hurt others? I have become more sensitive to people going through seasons and transitions, especially when it is obvious that they are ‘helpless’. This sensitivity pulled me to a lady who is very private, from the few words she would say from time to time, I could tell she was going through something she was finding overwhelming. I tried as much as possible to respect her personal space, but at one point, I knew I had to point something out to her, so I said to her, you are letting what you are going through change you, you have become very confrontational. I was yet to get my own slice of confrontation from her. It happened in a way I never expected, in a group on Whatsapp!
What happened? A woman who was about to venture into ministry came on a group to ask what people thought about her logo, she posted a couple of logos and asked people’s thoughts on them. I was having lunch with this lady when the images dropped, I picked up my phone, looked at them and thought to myself, I’ll comment later. She asked to see the pictures I was looking at, so I gave her my phone. I didn’t know she went on to drop some comments, talking about what colours you should use for a logo, why she shouldn’t use the colours she had chosen and critiqued the name of the ministry.
When I got home, I asked my hubby if he had seen the images on the group, as he scrolled through his phone, he suddenly asked, “you wrote this?” “Wrote what?”, I asked. I can’t tell you how I felt at seeing that. What made it worse was to think that I had come on a group to give unsolicited advice! It took days to get over that shock.You see, the pain started to flow into her relationships, causing everyone pain, including the woman in my circle. When you let pain settle in your heart, you become too critical, ready to lash out, so confrontational that every discussion ends up in an argument.
Do not let the things you have been through change you negatively. You can learn from them, there is always something to learn from every experience; load yourself with God’s word, the word purifies, if you let the word in, there will be no room for pain, hurt, or bitterness; encourage others with your experience, someone can benefit from that experience.
To everyone going through a season, your attitude is very important. Go through it with joy, knowing that surely there is an end, and your expectation shall not be cut off!
Chidi Akunna is keen on building healthy relationships; a solicitor with special interests in Family and Children Law. She is passionate about the challenges and opportunities facing teenagers, 21st century marriages and parents.
She also partners with her husband in running “Romance Masterclass” – a coaching programme and “Lite the FIRE” workshop – a couples’ romance makeover intervention. Together, they write “Connected Hearts” – a leading daily devotional on spicing up marital romance and strengthening families. They also oversee the operations of Foundation for Family Affairs – a charity focused on strengthening families around the globe.
