Trophy Spouse By Victor Akunna

Last week, I joined a Conference online and listened as Rev. Mrs. Funke Adejumo spoke to men and women. She commenced her session by appreciating her husband, Rev. Felix Adejumo, for being secure enough to allow her fulfil her God-given vision. She quoted his words to her, “I don’t want you to live in my shadows”.

Blog Post: Communication that builds friendship

How do you live out specific values that are contrary to your culture? Research has shown that some parts of Africa, Asia and the Middle East still consider women to be acquisitions; properties to be owned; mere objects to be seen and not heard. As a matter of fact, due to strong cultural views, women in Saudi Arabia are discouraged from driving vehicles.

Blog Post: How did we get this far?

Many women have become trophy wives and some men have become trophy husbands too. According to the Oxford dictionary, “A trophy wife is often a young, attractive wife regarded as a status symbol for an older man.” However, the husband does not necessarily have to be a lot older, it is more of a mindset which shows forth in the way couples live together.

Blog Post: Character

There is nothing wrong with being a trophy wife if that is what you have both agreed on. However, in the line of my work as a Family Life Coach, I have come to see a number of women who are trophy wives contrary to their desires. I have seen a number of men/ladies who were very visionary, industrious and influential while single, who have become a shadow of themselves because they got married to insecure spouses. For instance, a certain woman’s husband criticises every move she makes, analysing and over-analysing its viability, planting seeds of self-doubt in her. She has decided to settle for an average life, feeling like a bird without wings.

Blog Post: Compatibility in marriage

Fela Durotoye describes such men as ‘Hunters’. According to him, the ‘Hunter’ is a man who sees something wonderful, beautiful, approaches it, kills it and leaves only the carcass for his personal pride. When you see his wife three years after marriage, you would almost never believe she is the same person; her vision and self-worth would have been downgraded from 40 by 40 to 4 by 4. Some of them even disconnect from their families and friends because of shame and regret.

As a man, if your wife accomplished more before marriage than after marriage, you need to ask serious questions. The delight of every Father is to see his daughter blossom after handing her over to you, her husband.

Who is a husband/bridegroom?

Blog Post: Mr and Mrs Right Syndrome

These are farming terms that describe a Gardner or a farmer – someone who nurtures, cultivates and supports plants to grow and blossom to full potential (yielding fruits) by watering them, applying manure and exposing them to adequate Sunlight.

On the other hand, there are women whose husbands have supported their dreams, but they have become braggadocious, cocky and rude. What they fail to understand is that pride goes before public embarrassment. The man was made the head, not necessarily because he is superior, but to create order. God does not bless a disorderly family or nation.

Vlog Post: Intimacy Code

Marriage is a gift with a lift, become each other’s strongest allies because one would chase a thousand, but a couple would put ten thousand to flight.

Victor Akunna is one of the leading voices on marital romance; a writer of many published articles and books. He runs many social media platforms where he coaches and counsels singles and couples on building successful relationships and marital romance. He is fondly called the Romance and Intimacy Catalyst because of his passion for helping individuals, couples and companies build sustainable and valuable relationships, and testimonials abound. 

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