“Loudness was not allowed in our home”… by Chidi Akunna

The book I am reading at the moment is ‘Mothers & Sons: Raising Boys to be Men’ by Jean Lush. The stories the author shared in the first chapter left me inspired. She shared the experiences of different mothers in their home. In fact, some initially struggled with raising special boys who turned out well. She highlighted the practical steps taken by the parents/foster parents of some boys, and I noticed a common practice; “loudness was not allowed in our home”.

The children were not allowed to raise their voice, and as parents, they could not raise theirs either, even if they were upset, they would correct the child by talking to the child. Some foster mothers who had boys with behavioural challenges remarked that over time, with love and the right atmosphere, the boys changed.

Since I started reading that book, I have become even more conscious of my voice tone.

Children are influenced by the tone in the house.

I walked into McDonald’s one day and decided to eat in. Shortly after, a father walked in with his three lovely boys. The eldest was very mischievous; he would pinch his brothers and act like he’d done nothing, while they screamed. The moment their father turned to find out what the matter was, the eldest would turn as well, shrug his shoulders while looking at his father and also ask his brothers what the matter was. This continued until his father caught him, yelled at him in frustration, and all three boys cowered, but that did not stop the big brother. Rather, it made him a bit hostile towards his brothers when their father went to place an order. He probably felt they were the reason he was shouted at.

A young man, who had also been watching as things played out, walked up to the big brother and spoke to him, making him understand the impact of inflicting pain on others and the consequences in the future (one of which is that “when your brothers grow older, they will never forget how bad you made them feel”). The big brother became a different person from that point… well, until I left.

Your tone contributes to the atmosphere in your home.

How would you describe your tone?
Is your home a place your spouse and children look forward to coming?
Is your tone welcoming or does it push your spouse and children away?

The difference between a house and a home is the warmth and love felt in it. ‘Warm up’ your home.

 

  

 
 Chidi Akunna
 Intimacy Builder Program

#MarriageNextGen