Sex and control – Chidi & Victor Akunna

We have been on a series on sustaining healthy marital sex, and we would like to take it further today.

In our experience as Romance and Intimacy Catalysts, we have come to observe that not every couple enjoys a fantastic sex life. As a matter of fact, not every couple expects to, as we all have different mindsets and values guiding this aspect of life.

Some people believe that sex with their husband/wife is dirty, mundane and sinful, and that it is a source of power dissipation. Hence, they assert that couples who plan to boost their spiritual lives and “get closer to God” must reduce sex to the barest minimum. This has caused a problem in some marriages in which one spouse does not subscribe to this school of thought. A better approach could be to mutually agree on abstinence with a timeline in view.

Sex is God’s idea, He introduced it within the boundaries of marriage, and “every good and perfect gift is from above” – James 1:17. Therefore, sex with your husband or wife is blessed and pleases God. Every manufacturer rejoices at the appropriate and delightful use of his products.

On the other hand, some people believe that sex is an object of control, a way to discipline their husbands/wives or negotiate for what they want. We believe it is wrong to have your spouse beg for sex, or to find a way to start a disagreement any time you sense the atmosphere is becoming conducive, in order to avoid it. As married couples, we are in covenant with each other and in a covenant, you practise joint ownership. Hence, your husband/wife ‘owns’ your body.

However, there are exceptional cases, an example is a case in which a caring spouse would have to put into consideration his/her spouse’s well being. Some people demand sex from their spouses, even though they were unwell or just had a baby, this does not show sensitivity or consideration for your spouse and has the potential to damage marital intimacy and romance, and by extension, your sex life.

Sex is to be enjoyed, a tool to connect and bond with our spouses, not an object of control and manipulation.

Chidi & Victor Akunna
Romance & Intimacy Catalysts
Foundation for Family AffairsSex a

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About the Author

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Chidi & Victor Akunna are leading voices on marital romance and family life. They are passionate about helping individuals, couples and organisations build sustainable and valuable relationships, and testimonials abound. They are authors of many articles and books. They partner in the administration of “Romance Masterclass” – a coaching programme and “Lite the FIRE” workshop – a couples’ romance makeover intervention. Together, they write “Connected Hearts” – a leading daily devotional on spicing up marital romance and strengthening families. They also oversee the operations of Foundation for Family Affairs – a charity focused on strengthening families around the globe. Feel free to enjoy the resources available here!

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