TIP1: Personal Challenge: Skipping a Meal
Marriage, just like real life, is a full package. There are different dimensions to it. E.g. emotional, physical, social, psychological, spiritual, etc. Most times, while these dimensions impact on one another, none can replace the other. For instance, if your spouse lives in a different part of the world, you may be able to leverage on social media to stay in touch emotionally, but this would not be able to replace his or her physical presence. More so, as a parent, you can’t raise your child from a distance.
This implies that the different dimensions of marriage must be given the required attention. Hence, we would be looking at fasting from different perspectives this week. According to the Oxford dictionary, fasting is “the act of abstaining from all or some kinds of food and drinks, especially as a religious observance.” It is also a time when you separate yourself to seek God’s ‘face’ on a particular issue. This may sound incredible, but there are problematic issues in your marriage that will only respond to fasting and we have seen enough testimonies to doubt this spiritual principle.
Are there issues that seem to confound the experts around you? Are there situations that are beyond your control? Are there recurring patterns in marriages in your family? You may need to embark on a new spiritual journey.
ACTION POINT: Consider taking out some time to seek God’s face through fasting and prayer on specific issues. Study the Bible to find out what His word says about your situation.
NB: If you have any health challenge or in a unique situation, please consult your doctor.
TIP 2: Personal Challenge: Skipping a Negative influence!
Fasting can be challenging, but it is a sacrifice for a better future. For us, it’s beyond skipping a meal. Sometimes, it’s about skipping an experience you are accustomed to, something that robs you of more important things in your life. Consider Agatha’s story.
Agatha: I have always been a bubbly person. I love to have fun, I draw energy from it. For me, life is about being happy and excited and this draws a lot of people to me. When I got married, I formed a close-knit group of friends, we just meet and talk. We were all professionals in different fields. After a while, I noticed that a new member of the group, a friend of one of my friends, an influential government official who was divorced, took every available opportunity to berate the concept of marriage and family.
Most discussions turned into a debate between us, with me defending marriage. Although, I emphtatized with the bad marital experience she had, which eventually led to a bitter custody battle with her ex-husband, I was against having to project her experiences and fears to the whole group. I eventually had to stop attending our regular get-togethers. It was tough, but for the sake of my marriage, it was worth it. Hence, I was not surprised when I heard another key member of the group had separated from her husband.
Victor: What a story! It is a simple way of illustrating the idea of ‘fasting’ or skipping something negative for a future reward.
ACTION POINT: Consider who you listen to; you may need to review relationships that feed your fears, guilt and lust.
TIP 3: Personal Challenge: Fasting from that programme.
Yesterday, we talked about skipping negative influences by listening to Agatha’s story. Today, we would be listening to Travis’s story about skipping the wrong TV programme.
Travis: It’s true that as a man thinks in heart, so he is. I have always believed that I could control my thoughts, irrespective of what I see or watch. It’s all about self-discipline, well, so I thought until I began to drift from my core values. It began with seeing TV programmes, such as Big brother and Scandal. Initially, it was fun and I was religiously looking forward to every episode. After a while, I observed that it was ‘feeding’ my lust, a trend that started showing in my attitude. As a matter of fact, when a lady I consider sexy goes past, I will almost ‘undress’ her with my eyes, trying to explore her every curve.
Well, not that the programmes demonised me, far from it, all they did was to offer me thoughts to meditate on and in a short time, I was constantly looking forward to escaping into my little world of imaginative fantasies. Our minds are surely a powerful tool and just as the saying goes, “where the mind goes, the man follows”. We are products of our dominant thoughts. After a long battle, I eventually had to skip viewing these programmes for my own sanity and I am happy I did.
Victor: Hmm, very true, “where the mind goes, the man follows”. All we have to do is to control the inputs we make into our minds. As parents, we must be deliberate about what our children watch while we are not around.
ACTION POINT: Our lives are influenced by what we see and listen to; these are gateways to our souls and destiny. Choose wisely.
TIP 4: Personal Challenge: Skipping negative thoughts
Life involves a series of transitions. We are always entering new seasons, just as we are leaving old ones. This is one of the characteristics of living things; movement and in this case, progress. Making progress in marriage or career for instance, can boost our morale and expectations, helping us build momentum for future endeavours.
However, it is important to remember that life is spiritual, everything visible was made from invisible substances. In other words, your marriage, family, job, house, etc., all existed in the incorporeal realm first. This is why our thoughts and words are powerful, they shape our world. According to Napoleon Hill, “thoughts are things”. They are tangible creative forces. If you are constantly thinking of divorce or that something terrible may happen to you, it is important that you intercept these thoughts before they become your physical reality. “The battlefield is in the mind” |Joyce Meyer. Hence, we must learn to skip the wrong thoughts by replacing them with the right ones. Focus on what you want, not want you don’t want, because whatever we give attention to is what we bring to pass.
Are there results you are looking forward to? Do you have goals you want to achieve in your marriage? What are your expectations for your marital romance? Are you sabotaging your own progress by thinking the wrong thoughts?
ACTION POINT: Be deliberate about your thoughts and confessions. Develop the habit of listening to yourself (including your mental self) or ask close friends to help you point out your negative words. This will help you track and replace your wrong words.
TIP 5: Personal Challenge: Skipping That Habit!
As we round off this series, it is important to point out that without a corresponding action and sacrifice, some future dreams may not be within reach. According to Isaac Newton, all objects (dreams, marital romance) remain in a state of rest, until a force is applied. This is why we would be discussing procrastination.
We have seen very talented people with exceptional charisma who could not produce result simply because they rarely took consistent and focused action towards their goals. They seem not to be able to stay with an idea until it matures; always jumping from one project to the other. They lack the tenacity required for lasting success. Some others are afraid of success and the demands it would place on them, such that when their goals are nearing fulfilment, they find themselves indulging in self-sabotaging actions, such as procrastinating, not showing up for important meetings, etc.
Are there habits you need to skip? What are those things that are creating a cycle of failure in your marriage and career?
ACTION POINT: Examine your life journey to identify habits that stand between you and your desired future, then go to work. You may have to see a certified coach to help you out.
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Chidi & Victor Akunna
Relationship Catalysts
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