Dear Chidi and Victor, I need your advice. I have been married for about 7 years to my wife without our own child. Personally, I am not worried at all because I believe our children will come at the right time. I tell my wife that I did not marry her because of children, but for my love for her.
My challenge is that my wife has refused to be comforted, always crying, especially during family reunions. I have done my best to shield her from any pressure from my family. Yet, she has refused to be comforted. Please, what else can I do? B.H
Chidi & Victor Akunna are leading voices on marital romance and family life. They are passionate about helping individuals, couples and organisations build sustainable and valuable relationships, and testimonials abound. They are authors of many articles and books.
They partner in the administration of “Romance Masterclass” – a coaching programme and “Lite the FIRE” workshop – a couples’ romance makeover intervention. Together, they write “Connected Hearts” – a leading daily devotional on spicing up marital romance and strengthening families. They also oversee the operations of Foundation for Family Affairs – a charity focused on strengthening families around the globe.
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She has chosen to put herself through an emotional wringer, which of cause will not help her, and may also hinder conception. She needs to put her mind off her situation first, celebrate those whom God has blessed with what she dearly wants, hope on God to bless her soon with her own bundle of joy. On the other hand, if it’s possible, excuse her from such gatherings, though that really may not be possible every time, and is sure not a solution. She needs to find peace in the midst of her storm.
Great points @ Adeola,, psychologists and medical personnel often advise that couples relax themselves because anxiety can be a clog in the wheel of conception. He can encourage and pray with her because the ‘shoe’ she is wearing is not palatable, especially in African settings where people can be stigmatized for not having a child.
God is surely faithful to His words “Psalm 128:3-6 ESV
“Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord. The Lord bless you from Zion! May you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life! May you see your children’s children! Peace be upon Israel!”
.Happy weekend. Her refusal to be comforted after all you have told her and all you did,indicates that she have a skeleton in her box that have made it difficult for babies to come. So,you ask her if there is any thing she did in the past that she has not told you. Finally,ask her what else she wants you or both of you to do. Best Wishes.
Thanks @ Ugobino, it’s true that some women have ‘skeletons’ in their cupboards which they sometimes don’t declare to their husbands. However, it is wrong to assume that every delay in birth or conception is connected to that. More so, God gives new opportunities for us all to start all over again.
Hmmm…! Do one ever get comforted with drinks other than water when there is so much thirst? U have to b in d shoe to understand the fit. Honestly nothing you can do than to keep showing more love n understanding more maturity. This is the time u show that lov d more. Rememba sarah was truely loved too but she still dnt stop cryn. Note also that its not her fault that she cant stop cryn n nt dat she dnt undwrstand ur love. She is unxpresaably pained.. and its nt for her past oo.. so many ppl witout oast n went tru painful monent check out Job. So b strong for ur love u gat more to do
Very true @ Olori, it is an experience that only the woman in question can understand. However, he must continue to encourage her, because it would end in praise!
My wife and I waited too before we had our daughter and I can say I can relate to what you’re going through. First, let me assure you that there will be more crying (if the waiting persists)! Women are emotionally wired and by crying she is actually expressing what is in her heart. Be patient and show more understanding. I know it is easier said than done but it’s something you have to be prepared to do. Secondly, have you guys done tests? Its important to know if there are any issues so you can pray more accurately. Sometimes, it can be as simple as clearing up a latent infection or correcting a hormonal imbalance. I suggest you guys take some tests if you haven’t already. Lastly, it is God that gives children and there are some children out there that need the love and warmth of a parent. My wife and I told ourselves that we will adopt after the fifth year if we were still waiting.. That is always an option and I personally do not see anything wrong with it. I join my faith with yours and I pray that this year will not end without your family being visited with the joy of the fruit of the womb. God bless you guys as you wait on God.
Wonderful comment @ Femi, “Running tests to gather knowledge in order to pray more accurately. God is the one who gives children” Including the consideration of adoption, I know some families have reservations about this, but everything must be considered with an open mind, who knows.
Dear Chidi and Victor, I need your advice. I have been married for about 7 years to my wife without our own child. Personally, I am not worried at all because I believe our children will come at the right time. I tell my wife that I did not marry her because of children, but for my love for her.
She has chosen to put herself through an emotional wringer, which of cause will not help her, and may also hinder conception. She needs to put her mind off her situation first, celebrate those whom God has blessed with what she dearly wants, hope on God to bless her soon with her own bundle of joy. On the other hand, if it’s possible, excuse her from such gatherings, though that really may not be possible every time, and is sure not a solution. She needs to find peace in the midst of her storm.
Great points @ Adeola,, psychologists and medical personnel often advise that couples relax themselves because anxiety can be a clog in the wheel of conception. He can encourage and pray with her because the ‘shoe’ she is wearing is not palatable, especially in African settings where people can be stigmatized for not having a child.
Values differ according to ones background. Continue to be hopeful that your wives expectation will soon happen. I must pray for you.
God is surely faithful to His words “Psalm 128:3-6 ESV
“Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord. The Lord bless you from Zion! May you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life! May you see your children’s children! Peace be upon Israel!”
.Happy weekend. Her refusal to be comforted after all you have told her and all you did,indicates that she have a skeleton in her box that have made it difficult for babies to come. So,you ask her if there is any thing she did in the past that she has not told you. Finally,ask her what else she wants you or both of you to do. Best Wishes.
Thanks @ Ugobino, it’s true that some women have ‘skeletons’ in their cupboards which they sometimes don’t declare to their husbands. However, it is wrong to assume that every delay in birth or conception is connected to that. More so, God gives new opportunities for us all to start all over again.
Hmmm…! Do one ever get comforted with drinks other than water when there is so much thirst? U have to b in d shoe to understand the fit. Honestly nothing you can do than to keep showing more love n understanding more maturity. This is the time u show that lov d more. Rememba sarah was truely loved too but she still dnt stop cryn. Note also that its not her fault that she cant stop cryn n nt dat she dnt undwrstand ur love. She is unxpresaably pained.. and its nt for her past oo.. so many ppl witout oast n went tru painful monent check out Job. So b strong for ur love u gat more to do
Very true @ Olori, it is an experience that only the woman in question can understand. However, he must continue to encourage her, because it would end in praise!
My wife and I waited too before we had our daughter and I can say I can relate to what you’re going through. First, let me assure you that there will be more crying (if the waiting persists)! Women are emotionally wired and by crying she is actually expressing what is in her heart. Be patient and show more understanding. I know it is easier said than done but it’s something you have to be prepared to do. Secondly, have you guys done tests? Its important to know if there are any issues so you can pray more accurately. Sometimes, it can be as simple as clearing up a latent infection or correcting a hormonal imbalance. I suggest you guys take some tests if you haven’t already. Lastly, it is God that gives children and there are some children out there that need the love and warmth of a parent. My wife and I told ourselves that we will adopt after the fifth year if we were still waiting.. That is always an option and I personally do not see anything wrong with it. I join my faith with yours and I pray that this year will not end without your family being visited with the joy of the fruit of the womb. God bless you guys as you wait on God.
Wonderful comment @ Femi, “Running tests to gather knowledge in order to pray more accurately. God is the one who gives children” Including the consideration of adoption, I know some families have reservations about this, but everything must be considered with an open mind, who knows.