James: “I always looked forward to getting married; I dreamt, prayed and fantasised about the marriage of my dreams. However, there were things I never thought would happen. You know how you fantasise about driving for the first time, just you driving on a smooth road with five lanes on both sides and no pedestrians, bikes or motorcycles, until you actually get into the car to drive. It suddenly dawns on you that you have to check to know that you are stepping on the right pedal, lifting your foot at the right time, looking ahead and observing the side mirror to be sure that there are no oncoming vehicles before making a turn, all at the same time.
As I was saying, I dreamt well, but did not foresee some of the things I had to change. You see, before I got married, I was this guy who loved to run my own show, very independent, liked things to be precise and accurate. In summary, I ran my life with little or no input, aside getting advice from my mentors and my parents.”
On getting married, I would make an important decision and inform my wife. Then she would ask me why this and why that? “What do you mean “why”?”, I asked in return. That was a question that rattled me, I wondered why she would question my ‘judgment’. However, in my quiet moments with God, or as the male ego dust settled and I was able to think through it, I began to realise that she was not challenging my judgement, but was holding me accountable”.
Victor: As husbands, wives, parents and leaders, we must understand and accept that everything we do affects everyone in our ‘boat’. Hence, they must ask questions, just the same way anyone who finds him/herself in a car in which the driver takes an unfamiliar route or moves faster than the stipulated speed limit, would ask questions.
Today, after series of discussions, the quality of their decisions are better as they have learnt to harness the power of synergy. Yes, sometimes slower, because for some decisions, you need more time to build your ‘case’, discuss it further with your spouse, pray and gather relevant information, but in the end, things work out well. The process is just as important as the outcome because you would often learn more from it than you would from the outcome.
Foundation For Family Affairs
www.foundationforfamilyaffairs.org
Photo Credit: jw.org
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