A friend of mine spent 6 years with a guy who eventually dumped her to marry another girl he met at his workplace. I want to find out how someone can differentiate between a time-waster and a guy who is really into her. Please, I need real answers. Thank you for this platform. B.J
Chidi & Victor Akunna are leading voices on marital romance and family life. They are passionate about helping individuals, couples and organisations build sustainable and valuable relationships, and testimonials abound. They are authors of many articles and books.
They partner in the administration of “Romance Masterclass” – a coaching programme and “Lite the FIRE” workshop – a couples’ romance makeover intervention. Together, they write “Connected Hearts” – a leading daily devotional on spicing up marital romance and strengthening families. They also oversee the operations of Foundation for Family Affairs – a charity focused on strengthening families around the globe.
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Hmm, sorry for your friend, guys these days are looking for where to get the highest benefit. One thing about time wasters is their frequent excuses and dodgy moves. They also like to use you up because they know they will leave eventually.
@ Laura, nice point on “dodgy moves”. In as much as it is good to be trusting, it is wise to check out things you are unclear about. Politely ask questions, don’t just accept things at face value. If you are to invest your resources in an organization, you would probably find out details about that organisation. Hence, if you are going to spend (invest) the rest of your life with someone, you need to be certain that that he/she is the right one. Above all, you need trusted mentors, experienced people and the Spirit of God, to help you check out what you may not notice because you are in love.
6yrs with no solid committment? Did he tell her he had intentions of marrying her? I bet d signs were already there; excuses made, procrastinations, e.t.c. As women, we r gifted with being highly perceptive (when we put aside paranoia, of course) and it serves us well to adhere to those instincts. If we feel something does not quite seem right, we need to take time out to pray and also to search our hearts. Also discuss with d guy and find out what his intentions are.
With all that being said, things still do happen and pple take sudden or drastic decisions. I’m sorry ur friend’s heart got broken. But, inform her that God does have a better plan for her. She should hold her head up, look to God, and expect good things. God be her solace.
Time wasters are guys not ready for marriage. Your friend who was dating the guy for 6 years most probably started dating him at a time when both of them had no business dating. He was probably still in school and struggling or out of school and just trying to build himself. Dating is also often confused with sleeping with each other. We are a people who do not just want to wait for marriage before getting into bed with someone we fancy. So, for a woman (not a girl who should be studying/preparing herself for womanhood and life in general), who is looking to date a guy and get married, the signs are there. We just choose to ignore them or hope.
A guy who is really into you would want to be friends first, date you (taking you to many fun places to spend time with you and get to know you)…..caveat: It might turn out from here that you both find out you’re not meant for each other. If all goes well, he’ll want to meet with the family, ask you to marry him, then actually marry you before getting into bed with you. Just my own thoughts on the matter.
A friend of mine spent 6 years with a guy who eventually dumped her to marry another girl he met at his workplace. I want to find out how someone can differentiate between a time-waster and a guy who is really into her. Please, I need real answers. Thank you for this platform. B.J
Hmm, sorry for your friend, guys these days are looking for where to get the highest benefit. One thing about time wasters is their frequent excuses and dodgy moves. They also like to use you up because they know they will leave eventually.
@ Laura, nice point on “dodgy moves”. In as much as it is good to be trusting, it is wise to check out things you are unclear about. Politely ask questions, don’t just accept things at face value. If you are to invest your resources in an organization, you would probably find out details about that organisation. Hence, if you are going to spend (invest) the rest of your life with someone, you need to be certain that that he/she is the right one. Above all, you need trusted mentors, experienced people and the Spirit of God, to help you check out what you may not notice because you are in love.
6yrs with no solid committment? Did he tell her he had intentions of marrying her? I bet d signs were already there; excuses made, procrastinations, e.t.c. As women, we r gifted with being highly perceptive (when we put aside paranoia, of course) and it serves us well to adhere to those instincts. If we feel something does not quite seem right, we need to take time out to pray and also to search our hearts. Also discuss with d guy and find out what his intentions are.
With all that being said, things still do happen and pple take sudden or drastic decisions. I’m sorry ur friend’s heart got broken. But, inform her that God does have a better plan for her. She should hold her head up, look to God, and expect good things. God be her solace.
@ Michelle, very true – women are intuitive and must take advantage of this gift. However, nobody can go wrong while depending on God’s guidance.
Time wasters are guys not ready for marriage. Your friend who was dating the guy for 6 years most probably started dating him at a time when both of them had no business dating. He was probably still in school and struggling or out of school and just trying to build himself. Dating is also often confused with sleeping with each other. We are a people who do not just want to wait for marriage before getting into bed with someone we fancy. So, for a woman (not a girl who should be studying/preparing herself for womanhood and life in general), who is looking to date a guy and get married, the signs are there. We just choose to ignore them or hope.
A guy who is really into you would want to be friends first, date you (taking you to many fun places to spend time with you and get to know you)…..caveat: It might turn out from here that you both find out you’re not meant for each other. If all goes well, he’ll want to meet with the family, ask you to marry him, then actually marry you before getting into bed with you. Just my own thoughts on the matter.