Deliberate Parenting! – Chidi Akunna

I was privileged to be in the midst of a group of 25 adolescents. The short time I spent with them left me so shaken, with many questions on my mind. When asked what category they fall under, 5 of them affirmed to be theists (3 among the 5 said they are Christians, 1 a Sikh and 1 a Muslim), 13 of them affirmed to be agnostics and 7 of them atheists.

Theists believe in the existence of God or many gods; atheists do not believe in the existence of God; and agnostics believe that nothing is known or can be known about the existence of God.

They were all asked to give reasons for their choices and below are some of their reasons:

Atheists
– One person cannot do what every other person is unable to do.
– Jesus was hung on the cross, he is dead so does not exist.
– No single person made all the people in the world.

Agnostic
– Why would God not give those who do not believe in Him another chance, since He is a nice guy?
– How will you find out if God exists when you are dead?

Theists
– I don’t see any reason to explain why we were created any other way, nothing is similar to us.
– If God wasn’t real, Easter and Christmas wouldn’t exist.

The Muslim boy knew so much about his Quran, yes, he called it “my Quran”. He even knew a bit about the Bible. He was so convinced about what he believes that he said, “if I ever got stranded on a deserted island and I was asked to pick just one item, I would pick my Quran and nothing else.” How did he get to this point? Obviously, someone sold that belief to him; emphasis was laid on the importance and necessity of the Quran.

In a Parents’ Forum I attended, a parent expressed her concern about the restraints of the Western world on religion; she was concerned about the extent of power handed over to children, children are allowed to make up their minds on their own religion, parents are not to impose their religion on their children.

The formative years of a child’s life – the first five years (or the first eight years according to UNICEF) – are crucial to the child’s development. At this phase, the child’s mind is described as “plastic” and not rigid. Thus, the child is open to learning. At this phase, beliefs are formed. It is, therefore, important for parents to capture this phase and not wait until they are adolescents, with minds of their own, to begin to make out what they think is right. Children should be guided – early. Do not wait until your children grow into teenage years before you introduce them to God.

Children are not too young to have a relationship with God. In the words of Tim Lahaye, “skeptics are not born, they are trained”. Parents need to be deliberate about imparting values into their children, don’t be too busy to TRAIN your children. Use every opportunity you have with them to impart values. If a child thinks being a Christian is all about Christmas, then it is obvious that that child has been left to him/herself to make out what Christianity truly is. Christianity is a relationship with God. Children should be guided – early – into that relationship.

“Parenting must be deliberate to be effective” – Chidi & Victor Akunna

Your children should know God for themselves, but to keep it simple, do your children even know YOUR God? Have you introduced them to the God you serve? What foundation have you laid in their hearts? Children learn a lot through modelling, they tend to copy what they see. If you have a relationship with God (they watch you pray, study the Bible and watch your lifestyle), they will copy.

Dear Parent, do you have a relationship with God? What is your relationship with God like? Is it such that is ‘serviced’ three times a year – at Easter, Christmas and New Year’s Eve?

The reasons given by those adolescents reveal that there are questions on those young minds. Are you available and willing to find out and answer the questions on the minds of your children?

Chidi Akunna is keen on building healthy relationships; a UK based solicitor with special interests in Family and Children Law. She is passionate about the challenges and opportunities facing teenagers, 21st century marriages and parents.

She also partners with her husband in running “Romance Masterclass” – a coaching programme and “Lite the FIRE” workshop – a couples’ romance makeover intervention. Together, they write “Connected Hearts” – a leading daily devotional on spicing up marital romance and strengthening families. They also oversee the operations of Foundation for Family Affairs – a charity focused on strengthening families around the globe.

Photo Credit: www.faithgateway.com