There is an African proverb that states that we must learn to change our dancing steps when the music changes.
The very first time my father told my siblings and I how people got married in his days, I was awestruck. As a teenager, I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that many people in his era got married to complete strangers.
Well, may be not exactly, because people got married based on family reputation, among many things. He was privileged to have noble and wealthy parents, so for him, choosing a spouse was relatively easy. My mum had a choice to make, but oftentimes, women were subjected to social and peer pressure that many were subtly coerced into living with ‘complete strangers’. In fact, there are stories of men who had wives exported to them in foreign lands.
Why have we shared this experience? Well, we wanted to point out one fact – that times have changed. We no longer have that social proof or cultural facility that pressurized people to stay in marriages even when they were being abused.
There are husbands who cheat with reckless abandon, infecting their wives with STIs, and these women are given the ‘golden’ marriage counsel – “if your spouse is straying, it’s your fault!”, thereby absolving an adult of his irresponsible behaviour.
Things have changed!
As a single man/lady, you must consider a number of things before walking down the aisle. We must learn from the wisdom of the past; choosing godly character, family structure, etc.. However, we must also consider the person’s direction.
Life is a journey towards the fulfilment of purpose and marriage is essentially the act of choosing someone special to travel with you. Hence, you must be careful to choose someone going your direction. This simple truth has stifled many lives. There are women who became trophy wives because their husbands saw them more or less like plaques for the wall. These women were vibrant and visionary until they got married to the wrong captains who sank their boats. There are also stories of men who got married to trouble packaged as gifts. They never knew the power of verbal assault on a man’s ego.
When we met, we took time to discuss; talk about vision, desires, goals, family members, family structure, God’s instructions, etc.. Of course, life does not always go according to plans, but the core of who we are will always remain. Challenges reveal what you truly believe.
The summary of the matter? Marry someone travelling your way, not the opposite direction. This does not insulate you from marital challenges, but there is no point starting out on the wrong foot.
To be continued…
Chidi & Victor Akunna
Romance and Intimacy Catalysts
Chidi & Victor Akunna are leading voices on marital romance and family life. They are passionate about helping individuals, couples and organisations build sustainable and valuable relationships, and testimonials abound. They are authors of many articles and books.
About The Book
Where we are at the moment is as a result of the decisions we made or the decisions others made on our behalf. This applies to every area of our lives, including relationship and marriage. As singles, whoever we hang out with and eventually get married to would have profound impact on our future. This is why getting it right is extremely important. Hence, rather than fret about it, it is important to explore guiding principles that have helped many successful couples choose the right spouse.
This book addresses the following important questions: How do I identify and avoid hidden pitfalls (red flags) singles fall into? How do I break off personal traits that repel quality relationships? How do I clarify what I want and attract my ideal spouse? How do I increase my attractiveness quotient? How do I sustain the relationship when it starts?
Click here to get your copy: http://www.foundationforfamilyaffairs.org/product/relationship-red-flags/
Please ensure you talk about your values because they decide your choice of career, how you spend, where you live and how your marriage will run!