…before it is too late – Chidi Akunna

I picked up the telephone and listened as she sobbed, “he’s gone, I’m finished, how do I cope? He’s left me with two young children, it is too late…”.

“Please calm down “, I said.

We talked for a while.

Her husband, who had become very distant, finally moved out. Yes, she had grown to resent him, but that was the last thing she expected. No, he was too responsible to do that.

He was not the best husband; he would not let her work, he would not let her make friends, he would not let her have any money of her own, but she thought he would be there for their children. 

She could not challenge him. The last time she did, he stopped her from attending the quarterly Ladies Tea. That meant she had no one to talk to, as he also monitored her calls.

Well, it became clear to her that she could not cope financially. How was she expected to raise two children in Greater London, without any income? Thinking about it kept her awake for many nights. She was his dependant, so not knowing what to do on the expiration of her spouse visa made her sick. She decided to seek professional legal advice.

After discussing the option of having him pay towards the maintenance of the children, while she hunts for a job, and the possibility of regularising her stay in the UK, she heaved a sigh of relief.

This woman heaved a sigh of relief because she finally knew what to do, there was hope; it was not too late after all.

I have come to know that in a society where people are expected to know what abuse is, many do not, and some who do, do not speak out (because of their religious or cultural backgrounds), until something serious happens and they are jolted.

The Home Office guidance for victims of domestic violence and abuse, published on 5 February 2018, defined domestic violence and abuse as: “Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are, or have been, intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality. This can include, but is not limited to, the following types of abuse: psychological, physical, sexual, financial and emotional.”.

Sadly, the impact of this on some women is that the state of their physical or mental health deteriorates so badly they don’t even live to raise their children. Therefore, it is important to state that with the assistance of a lawyer, different opportunities can be explored.

Do not deprive yourself a chance to live again.
Do not deprive your children the privilege of growing up with a parent.
Do not deprive the world the value of your gifting.

Seek help before it is too late.

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Chidi Akunna is a solicitor who is keen on building healthy relationships. She is passionate about the challenges and opportunities facing 21st-century marriages and families.