I am 37 years old, I’ve been in and out of many relationships that eventually did not work. The last one was particularly devastating, with my fiancé calling it off 2 months to the wedding. That was probably one of the lowest times in my life, I felt worthless and drained of the will to live. I am now in a relationship with this wonderful guy, but I am beginning to observe a similar pattern, he keeps asking me for sex. Last week, he told me that if I do not give in, he will quit the relationship. What do I do please? S.M
Chidi & Victor Akunna are leading voices on marital romance and family life. They are passionate about helping individuals, couples and organisations build sustainable and valuable relationships, and testimonials abound. They are authors of many articles and books.
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Whether or not you decide to give him sex, do it because you want to, and not because of the fear that he would quit the relationship. Best believe it, sex CAN’T keep a man. Full stop. He would leave if he wants to. If you give in to his demand for sex unwillingly and he eventually leaves, you’ll feel even more miserable. Also, depending on your personal belief or value system (assuming you are a christian), you have to choose between obeying God or man. You can’t serve two masters at a time. God does not approve pre-marital sex. Don’t start what you can’t continue. You must take a stand but be advised that there are “consequences” in each case. “Choose ye this day whom you will serve…” God’s time is ALWAYS the best. Our time doesn’t really matter. Have faith in God for HE IS FAITHFUL; “He makes everything beautiful IN HIS TIME”. God bless you!
At 37, I advice that you define what you want in a relationship. If he really loves you, he will not threaten you. Either you give in or you don’t, he will leave if he’s gonna leave.
Awesome point @Smith. You can’t keep a man with sex. Nobody abandons scarce value, if he sees the perceived and actual value he stands to gain, he would make necessary adjustments.
True love is not Base on sex, if truly loves you he will stay. Trust me if he’s in the relationship bcos of sex as soon as he got what he wanted he’s out. Follow your heart.
S.M, if you give in to his sex request, you will live to regret it. Why do ladies keep falling for such gimmicks? He will sleep with you and dump you! Wake up! Work on your esteem, you deserve more. This may sound harsh, but I think it’s about time women woke up. He will sleep with you, probably get you pregnant and leave you struggling as a single mother, saddled with a responsibility you were not ready for. 37 is not too late. My aunt got married at 43 and she has two boys today. Enough of this ladies! Stop being desperate. The other left and another came, another will come.
Dear SM, at 37,i know it’s not so easy, knowing you’re not getting younger, but truth be told, what premium do you place on yourself and your relationships, I ask this because your answer will inform your decision no matter what anyone tells you. Is this relationship all about sex, are you basically for sex. It’s often said that what you value, you’ll cherish and keep/guard jealously. If he truly loves you, he won’t threaten to leave you because you’ve made a decision to abstain till marriage. If you give him sex now, what makes you think he won’t find someone better and more experienced than you in that regard, and at the end you still loose him. I pray you allow God to guide you and not your desperation to settle with a man.
Hey Sm, first every good and perfect gift comes from God!! Remember the blessings of God adds no sorrow to it!! If he really loves you, he will wait till he knot it. Meaning till he takes you to the alter. My advice to is this: since you have notice same thing on your previous relationships, sex is not everything and not good when or in a relationship! For me I will advice you to quit the relationship. God will bring your way someone who will respect your opinion, love u, cherish you and treat you like a queen. Do not worry about vital. He is not the only guy in this world. God has someone for you and the divine connection will come soon. God bless you. Hold on to God and He’s promises, pray, praise. The perfect man will come.
Very true @ Ginika, God has someone for everyone. I just want to chip in here, @ SM, is there something you are innocently doing or saying that is triggering this repetitive behaviour?
Whether or not you decide to give him sex, do it because you want to, and not because of the fear that he would quit the relationship. Best believe it, sex CAN’T keep a man. Full stop. He would leave if he wants to. If you give in to his demand for sex unwillingly and he eventually leaves, you’ll feel even more miserable. Also, depending on your personal belief or value system (assuming you are a christian), you have to choose between obeying God or man. You can’t serve two masters at a time. God does not approve pre-marital sex. Don’t start what you can’t continue. You must take a stand but be advised that there are “consequences” in each case. “Choose ye this day whom you will serve…” God’s time is ALWAYS the best. Our time doesn’t really matter. Have faith in God for HE IS FAITHFUL; “He makes everything beautiful IN HIS TIME”. God bless you!
I totally agree with you, Kwandah. Although it’s not easy advice, it’s the most sensible.
At 37, I advice that you define what you want in a relationship. If he really loves you, he will not threaten you. Either you give in or you don’t, he will leave if he’s gonna leave.
Awesome point @Smith. You can’t keep a man with sex. Nobody abandons scarce value, if he sees the perceived and actual value he stands to gain, he would make necessary adjustments.
True love is not Base on sex, if truly loves you he will stay. Trust me if he’s in the relationship bcos of sex as soon as he got what he wanted he’s out. Follow your heart.
S.M, if you give in to his sex request, you will live to regret it. Why do ladies keep falling for such gimmicks? He will sleep with you and dump you! Wake up! Work on your esteem, you deserve more. This may sound harsh, but I think it’s about time women woke up. He will sleep with you, probably get you pregnant and leave you struggling as a single mother, saddled with a responsibility you were not ready for. 37 is not too late. My aunt got married at 43 and she has two boys today. Enough of this ladies! Stop being desperate. The other left and another came, another will come.
Ewww! You sound so desperate. You need to work on your esteem.
Dear SM, at 37,i know it’s not so easy, knowing you’re not getting younger, but truth be told, what premium do you place on yourself and your relationships, I ask this because your answer will inform your decision no matter what anyone tells you. Is this relationship all about sex, are you basically for sex. It’s often said that what you value, you’ll cherish and keep/guard jealously. If he truly loves you, he won’t threaten to leave you because you’ve made a decision to abstain till marriage. If you give him sex now, what makes you think he won’t find someone better and more experienced than you in that regard, and at the end you still loose him. I pray you allow God to guide you and not your desperation to settle with a man.
Hey Sm, first every good and perfect gift comes from God!! Remember the blessings of God adds no sorrow to it!! If he really loves you, he will wait till he knot it. Meaning till he takes you to the alter. My advice to is this: since you have notice same thing on your previous relationships, sex is not everything and not good when or in a relationship! For me I will advice you to quit the relationship. God will bring your way someone who will respect your opinion, love u, cherish you and treat you like a queen. Do not worry about vital. He is not the only guy in this world. God has someone for you and the divine connection will come soon. God bless you. Hold on to God and He’s promises, pray, praise. The perfect man will come.
Very true @ Ginika, God has someone for everyone. I just want to chip in here, @ SM, is there something you are innocently doing or saying that is triggering this repetitive behaviour?