“I had been busy at work, working very long hours everyday, including weekends. We were preparing for a product launch and award night and as it was my first project, I wasn’t going to leave any stone unturned. This meant missing out on quality time with my husband and children. Thankfully, the day eventually arrived, my adorable red dress from Phase Eight was delivered and I was ready to make a statement.
Well, my husband made a statement! The event was going quite well, the who-is-who in my company, our foreign partners, the board, the MD, were all present and having a good time, until my husband started drinking and talking about our fights, our sex life, how we struggled to pay our bills, etc. I almost passed out when I saw the look on my boss’ face. I heard someone even recorded the whole scene.
I have tried, but I can’t just find it in me to forgive him. To behave in such a humiliating way in the presence of my boss and colleagues? This is really hard for me.”
There are many dimensions to this, but I’d focus on the part affecting your marriage.
I understand how you feel, it must be a feeling of betrayal (considering that he knew how important that day was to your career) and embarrassment, sometimes forgiveness takes time. As hard as it may sound, your marriage cannot make progress until you both talk and work through this issue. You have the power to either make this a bend or an end. You must reach deep within you to find a reason to forgive him.
On the other hand, he needs to come up with a plan (boundaries and accountability) he ‘owns’, showing how he plans to ensure this does not repeat itself in the future.
Hopefully, since the event is over, you both can prioritise your marriage again by exploring and resolving underlining issues before they become bigger.
Victor Akunna
Romance and Intimacy Catalyst
Have checked out our free course yet? Check it out here: The Irreconcilables: Building and Sustaining a Crisis-Proof Marriage.
If you need someone to guide you, holding you by the hand to accomplish the following:
Develop your Intimacy Blueprint (A sure path to intimacy for your own marriage)
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Chidi & Victor Akunna are leading voices on marital romance and family life. We are passionate about helping individuals, couples and organisations build sustainable and valuable relationships, and testimonials abound. They are authors of many articles and books such as Spicy Romance, Dynamic of Marriage, Bedroom Makeover Plus and Health and Wealth Acceleration,
They partner in the administration of “Romance Masterclass” – a coaching programme and “Lite the FIRE” workshop – a couples’ romance makeover intervention. Together, they write “Connected Hearts” – a leading daily devotional on spicing up marital romance and strengthening families. They also oversee the operations of Foundation for Family Affairs – a charity focused on strengthening families around the globe.
